The website will be dedicated to finding ways to improve our body image and break down barriers to feeling fabulous.

The response to my initial blog has been fantastic.  There are so many men and women out there that are constantly beating themselves up about the way they look and focusing on all the negatives.  BodyBoffin.com will show people that feel like me that they’re not alone and there are ways to turn your thoughts and feelings around. 

Come and visit!  See you soon.

www.bodyboffin.com

I’ve been super focused on listening to my Inner Dialogue and understanding why I feel so damn negative about my body.  And you know, I really feel like I’ve learnt so much about myself over the last few weeks.  Absolutely amazing stuff too!

By listening in on my thoughts I’ve become more aware of what I’m thinking and the different sub-personalities that are feeding my thoughts.  My thoughts are under the control of my Wild Child and Inner Critic, without a doubt.  Two months ago I would have laughed hysterically at anyone who said that about themselves and brushed it off as absolute nonsense.  But somehow it’s all starting to make sense.

Although exciting, it’s mighty scary too.  Quite overwhelming infact.  I feel like an outsider listening in on a private conversation.  It’s like I’m hiding outside the room, trying to be still and quiet so I can hear the conversation without them realising I’m there.  You’d think it’d be easy listing to your own thoughts but I’m finding it really draining.  It takes constant effort to listen, otherwise the thoughts swarm around inside without me even knowing.

Last week it all came to a head.  It was like my Wild Child and Inner Critic got together and decided to rebel and resist my attempts to get to know them.  All the digging around in my thoughts has left me feeling really vulnerable and wide open to attack.  There’s so much personal information stored away in my mind that I’ve held behind closed doors for so long that even the thought of opening up makes me anxious.  It’s not about hiding from others.  Going into my mind and thoughts will mean I need to face all my life demons that I’ve tried to forget.

I ate more than I have in a long time last week.  It was like I was trying to sabotage my ‘get to know me’ game by focusing on eating as much as I could and then wallowing in self pity about how disgusting I felt.  I’m definitely an emotional eater.

I’m pleased to say I’ve made it through the week though and have come back feeling more at ease.  I’m still wary of what I might find on my journey but I know I can’t bear to go backwards.  I’ve started my search for answers and I’m going to find them!

She’s totally right.  I’m a good 5kg lighter than I was 2 years ago.  It’s not a HUGE amount I know, but enough that I now wear a size smaller than I fit previously.  What annoys me most is that I don’t feel smaller.  I still feel big, heavy and not even slightly feminine.

For once I tried to take the compliment on board and not snap back that yes, I had lost weight but not nearly enough.  Instead I agreed and actually vocalised that I had lost weight but what I really dreamt of was feeling skinny.  Just admitting this to myself and others is a big step forward for me as I’d usually hold such thoughts internally, never to be heard by others.

I want to glide down the street peering randomly into shop windows and feel gloriously happy.  I want to look in the mirror every day and smile.

That’s what my dreams are made of.

Until reading The Weight Less Mind (by Georgia Foster), I hadn’t even considered that my thoughts were being controlled by numerous personalities.  Like puppeteers, the different selves sit up all high and mighty, pushing their opinions into my thoughts through their chit chat.

Georgia Foster and other BodyBoffins such as Martha Beck, proclaim that acknowledging this inner dialogue is the most important step.  You must first understand the thoughts that are driving your feelings and behaviour and where these thoughts are coming from.  Only then is it possible to change your thought habits and therefore have the ability to change how you feel about your body so that you feel happier more of the time.

Through reading this book I’ve made a HUGE self discovery.  Not only am I being bullied by my Inner Critic, my thoughts and behaviour are also heavily influenced by my Inner Child.

Saying it now, it feels and sounds a wee bit silly.  But you know, I could completely relate to everything Georgia describes about the Inner Child. 

The Inner Child exists in all of us and is our link to our raw emotions, especially vulnerability.  It is our “child-like part that has never grown up” … “that loves to play, cry, be touched and loved.” (The Weight Less Mind by Georgia Foster)  Often we suppress our Inner Child as certain events may lead us to grow up too quickly or put on a mask to stifle the needs of the Inner Child in order to act more responsible.

Aspects of the Inner Child that I relate to…

• I find it hard to deal with anger and other emotions.
• I rebel like a naughty child.
• I still sleep with my teddies (yes, it’s a crowded bed!)
• I have a fear of intimacy
• I often feel isolated and lonely

Georgia explains that exploring your Inner Child can help you to gain a “much deeper and more powerful understanding of who you are and the why you’re thinking and feeling how you do.

I’m going to test run The Weight Less Mind tools to help reach and understand my Inner Child.  Stay tuned!!

**Note: above image copied from http://www.1888toys.com/index.asp?PageAction=Custom&ID=216

But what about the internal chit chat that’s going on in all our minds?  Other people are not privy to our inner conversations and thank goodness for that!  Well, unless by some obscure mind reading ability.

Georgia Foster, in her book The Weight Less Mind, defines this internal chit chat as our ”Inner Dialogue”.  What’s really interesting is that this Inner Dialogue consists of numerous voices, each representing a sub-personality or part.  This is known as the Psychology of Selves.  The different sub-personalities develop unconsciously during childhood with their main aim being to protect us.  As babies we’re completely vulnerable.  Our core selves build within the first few months and years, controlling our behaviour in order to deal with all that comes our way.   

Georgia identifies 4 key selves that tend to control the inner dialogue of people struggling with weight and food related issues.  These are:

1. The Inner Critic
2. The Pleaser
3. The Perfectionist
4. The Inner Child

Georgia explains that although these voices developed to help us avoid pain they “have the power of holding us back” and are often emotionally self destructive.  Our inner conversations become our reality and therefore the controlling (loudest) voices drive our feelings and actions.  I know for me my Inner Critic is horribly vocal, constantly reminding me how big I am and that nothing looks good on me so why do I bother trying.  After years of my Inner Critic leading my thoughts I truly believe that I am over weight and always will be… no matter what the scales tell me.

The Weight Less Mind uses Voice Dialogue tools and techniques to enable us to recognise, understand and work with the different selves that influence our thoughts, feelings and behaviour.  It then goes a step further, aiding communication with our core parts and also, strengthening the opposing personalities that have been pushed back.  Georgia specifically talks about the Slim Confident part that exists in all of us that has been suppressed by bullies such as the Inner Critic.

What makes Georgia’s methods so successful is that she uses hypnosis to reach the unconscious mind and fill it with more positive, helpful messages.  Georgia equates this to filling your “memory bank … library” with “information that reflects what you want to feel” rather than how your Inner Critic and other core parts have led you to feel.  The mind doesn’t understand positive and negative, only what it hears more of.  It therefore follows that the more we fill our minds with thoughts we want to believe, such as ‘I do not need food to deal with stress’, these thoughts will become habit and will help change unwanted behaviour such as overeating.

I highly recommend reading The Weight Less Mind.  It’s opened my mind and I feel more aware of my core parts and where the self destructive thoughts are coming from.  The book comes with a self hypnosis CD packed with positive statements.  The only struggle I’ve found so far is staying awake when it’s played – so relaxing!

Visit Georgia’s website … www.georgiafoster.com The book and selfhypnosis CD is available as an e-book.

Until late afternoon that is, when it all came crashing down.  That morning my 16 month old had been playing with the scales whilst I got ready.  Silly me hadn’t put the scales away and when I went up to the loo later that afternoon there they sat.  Calling to me… “Go on, weigh yourself.  You’re feeling pretty great.  It’s been ages and who knows, maybe you’ll get a pleasant surprise”.

I got a surprise all right.  I jumped on and what do you know, I’m 3kg heavier than I’ve been in months.  My bubble of happiness burst instantly and I felt truly devastated.  My Inner Critic reminded me that I shouldn’t have bothered… “of course you’re going to weigh too much, you know you’re too big.” on and on. 

I’m amazed that just seeing a number on the scales could make me feel so low.  Especially when just seconds before I’d been on a natural high.  I walked out, in fear that if I stayed I might take my disappointment out on the scales and throw them straight out the window.

I tried to reassure myself that it didn’t matter what the scales said, what was important was how I felt.  It made absolutely no difference though.  It felt impossible to lift my spirits, like a dark cloud had come over me and no sign of it moving on any time soon.

The funniest bit is that later that night I finally ventured back into the bathroom.  I went to put the scales away and what do you know?  They’re showing 3kg without any weight on them!  My toddler had obviously moved the needle adjustment whilst playing with them that morning.  I adjusted the needle back to ’0′ and jumped on with excitement.  My heart jumped for joy.  I hadn’t put on weight at all.

This wee little incident got me thinking.  It just shows how strong my belief is that I’m overweight and not only that, but also that scales just reinforce our negative thoughts. 

Death to all scales!

The event also served as a big reminder that the focus and aim of this blog is not about how to lose weight.  It’s about how (tips, advice, tools, etc.) to find acceptance within our own bodies and learn to love ourselves.  Although the work of Martha Beck and other BodyBoffins have a weight loss focus, the tools they’re teaching are about building awareness of our negative inner thoughts that are driving the behaviour that we don’t want such as overeating.  It then becomes about how we challenge those thoughts and build new, more positive beliefs.

We have lots of work to do!  This is only the beginning of our journey.

Interestingly, the Editor – Maureen Rice - talks about our emotions (such as the way we feel about our bodies), affecting our thoughts.  This is quite different to the Martha Beck model discussed in a previous blog about our thoughts being the root cause of all behaviour.  However, Maureen explains that the chain of cause and effect works in both directions.  I.e.  Our emotions affect our thoughts, which affect our actions, which affect our emotions and so on.  A cycle that as we know, once on is hard to get off!

Based on research from the Social Issues Research Centre (www.sirc.co.uk), tip number 26 explains that women feel more dissatisfied with their bodies during the pre-menstrual phase (the 2 weeks before your period).

I feel relieved I’ve read this!

I know personally, every now and again I’ll have a week where I feel totally frumpy and clothes I thought really suited me the week before look totally wrong.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this correlated with my cycles.

Hmmm… and I thought my clothes must have somehow changed shape!!

For more research findings on what we see and how we feel when we look in the mirror take a look here… http://www.sirc.org/publik/mirror.html

 
**Note: the above picture has been copied from http://www.brookecastillo.com/weight_coaching.html

If you’re keen to learn more about the tools Brooke uses with her overweight Clients, check out her free podcasts here… http://blog.brookecastillo.com/categories/Weight%20Loss%20Podcasts.aspx

Brooke and Martha believe that thoughts drive all behaviour.  Thoughts are responsible for our feelings, which cause our actions and our actions determine the results.

Brookes’ example is that being overweight is the result of over eating, which is the action.  What this model is saying is that every time we over eat we can trace back to particular thought(s) that drove us to eat.

Although a little confusing at first, this concept is revolutionary!  For so long I’ve been attempting to run off the fat and follow stupid diets without success.  Treating the result (and even small amounts of weight loss) have done absolutely nothing to help change the way I feel about my body.  It makes sense that until we address why we’re feeling a particular way our behaviour will not change long term.

After years of beating myself up about the way I look and my inability to change my body to look the way I wish, I’ve become totally disconnected with my body.  Not only can I NOT tell when I’m physically hungry I’m also not sure I even know what I’m thinking half the time!

Another amazing concept that I learned from this seminar is that our beliefs (such as ‘I’ll never be thin’) are just thoughts that we keep thinking and become fixed in our minds.  It follows that if we can change the way we think, we change what we believe and how we feel.  It is only then that our behaviour will change.  Brooke refers to this as “reprogramming your brain.”

Brooke’s first step for Clients is listening in and acknowledging your thoughts.  It all sounds too easy but after only 24 hours of trying to hear my thoughts and be more aware of what I’m thinking I can honestly say it’s not easy!  After being disconnected for so long I can see that it’s going to take time and I’ll really need to be super focused.

Give it a try and let me know how you go!

The seminar (presented by Martha Beck Inc) can be purchased from http://www.marthabeck.com/telecourses_detail.php?class_id=17&cat_name=Recorded%20Telecourses

For more detailed information relating to the Thought – Feelings – Actions – Results model, refer to Brooke Castillo’s book, “If I am So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight?” available from www.amazon.co.uk

Brooke Castillo assures us that it really isn’t that hard.  Her theory is that 90% of the food we eat should be “fuel” – natural, high energy food that the body needs to function efficiently.  The key is eating the “fuel” as soon as you feel hungry and stop when the hunger is satisfied.

I’m not sure I remember what it’s like to feel physically hungry.  Do you?  I tend to eat too much, too often!

Brooke emphasises how important it is to really understand what it feels like to be hungry so that you ensure you eat before you get so super starving that you eat everything in sight!

In Brookes’ words, we “need to retrain ourselves and listen to our bodies.”  The physical sensation felt when hungry is the way our body communicates its needs.  We should be feeling hungry every 3 hours or so and if we’re not we’re either over eating or not tuned into our bodies.

The remaining 10% should be food that you eat to enjoy.  Excellent!

This is where Brooke’s definition of overeating comes in.  Anything that you’re eating outside of the “fuel” and 10% enjoyment food is “over eating”.  It’s when we eat this additional food that we need to be asking ourselves why.  Becoming more internally focused will help us identify the cause of our overeating.

After listening to Brookes’ wise words my goal for the week is to pay more attention to my body and how it feels.  What does it feel like when I’m hungry?

The full seminar audio can be purchased from http://www.marthabeck.com/telecourses_detail.php?class_id=17&cat_name=Recorded%20Telecourses.